ya-mom-en-ems

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A collection of my favorite “You might be a Cajun” and “You might be from New Orleans” ‘isms, as well as tips on how someone used to New Orleans can annoy the citizens of Dallas:

  • Laugh at them when they complain about the humidity
  • Slow down at yellow traffic lights
  • Actually stop at red ones (of course the corollary dictates that you must punch it as soon as the light turns green, without waiting for the customary three cars to run the red light)
  • Complain that the pecan pralines are too chewy
  • Insist that there is no such thing as a “pee-can pray-lean” only “peh cahn prah-leans”
  • Stop at the corner 7-11 (or Smoothie-King or bar even) and ask for a Daiquiri.
  • Expect to be able to find liquor after nine on a ‘school night.’ ##Also expect there to be a drive-though window…
  • Judge po-boys by the number of napkins used.
  • Used the word “dressed” to describe sandwiches
  • Steer all conversations to discussions of restaurant meals that you have had in the past and restaurant meals that you plan to have in the future.
  • Maintain your belief that purple, green and gold look good together — even eat things these colors.
  • When trying on winter coats, throw your arms up in the air to make sure it allows enough room to catch Mardi Gras beads.
  • Keep a parade ladder in your shed.
  • The next time some major Dallas sports franchise win the championship (and arguably, one of them will) shout “ Throw me sum-thin’ mistah” throughout the entire parade.
  • Describe ‘that’ color as “K&B Purple”.
  • Call their “water bugs” what they are: “Tree Roaches”
  • You’re probably from Louisiana if… (some are “Cajun-centric,” others are “New Orleans-centric.”
  • You didn’t learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
  • You greet people with “Howzhyamomma’an’em?” and expect to hear back “Dey fine, darlin!”.
  • You wrench your hands in the zinc with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off.
  • You’re not afraid when someone wants to ax you something.
  • You go by ya mom-en-ems on Good Friday for family supper.
  • You refer to that special set of grungy, well-broken-in-shoes as your “French Quarter Shoes.”
  • You have an “envie” for something instead of a craving.
  • You receive a dissapointing look from your wife and describe it as “She passed me a pair of eyes.”
  • You consider a Bloody Mary a light breakfast.
  • You think of gravy as a beverage
  • If your black coffee cools, it jellies.
  • The smell of a crawfish boil turns you on more than Chanel #5.
  • You don’t think it’s odd when little old ladies push you out of the way to catch Mardi Gras throws.
  • You leave a parade with footprints on your hands.
  • Your first sentence was “Throw me something mistah” and your first drink was from a go-cup.
  • Your last name isn’t pronounced the way it’s spelled.
  • You like your rice and politics dirty.
  • You know what a “dead” boiled crawfish is
  • A friend gets in trouble for roaches in his car and you wonder if it was palmettos or those little ones that go after the French Fries that fell under the seat.
  • Fred’s Lounge in Mamou means more to you than the Grand Ole Opry.
  • You think the former head of the United Nations is Boudreaux-Boudreaux Guillory (and you think you might have seen him interviewed by Okra Winfrey).
  • You think a lobster is a crawfish on steroids.
  • You use a gill net to play tennis, badminton, or volleyball.
  • Your children’s favorite bedtime story begins “First you make a roux…”
  • You refer to winter as “Gumbo Weather.”
  • You move – and you feel like you are from OZ and you moved to Kansas.

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