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The MultiMedia Okra Pages: wherein I will use the pun on mediocre as an excuse to abandon this page for weeks on end. Okra itself is of course a scary and slimy vegetable but happens to be the virtuous ingredient that holds gumbo together. This gumbo analogy allows me to lump whatever eclectic subjects I feel like holding forth on into these pages.

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E.P. LaBruyère
Arlington, TX
A Louisiana Economic Refugee in Texas

Currently Employed (AISD) even though I’m a Product of Louisiana Public Education (La Tech).
I’ve Never been Indicted, however this is probably because I’m Honest and “Integret.”
But remember, I am Certifiable and was Once the Token Conservative at a college radio station.

Experience


Teacher (AISD)

  • Carter Junior High – Arlington, TX. (2014 – to date) Careers, Technology & Higher Education Investigations (CTHEI)
  • Hutcheson Junior High – Arlington, TX.(2011-2014) Introduction to Careers & Technology (ICT)

Substitute Teacher (Various School Districts)

  • Dallas County Juvenile Justice Charter Schools, Dallas, TX, 2010-2011
  • Arlington ISD, Arlington, TX, 2010-2011
  • Grand Prairie ISD, Grand Prairie, TX, 2010-2011
  • Lincoln Parish School Board, Ruston, LA, 1994
  • Webster Parish School Board, Minden, LA, 1990

Volunteer Experience

  • St. Patrick’s Catholic Church, · 7th Grade Faith Formation Teacher , Dallas, TX, 2010-2011
  • Junior Achievement, JA in-a-Day (Kindergarten, 4 th and 5 th grades) , Dallas & Irving, TX, 2006-2010

Boy Scouts of America

  • Committee Member, Troop 719, 2009-to date
  • Cubmaster, Pack 719, 2007-2011
  • Day Camp Area Lead, Summer 2008 and 2009
  • Tiger Cub Den Leader,Pack 719, 2006-2007
  • Committee Member (Advancement), Pack 719, 2003-2007
  • Assistant Cubmaster, Pack 719, 2005-2007
  • Eagle Scout, 1986

Work History


Accenture (Nov., 2003 -Mar., 2010)
Call Volume / Demand Forecast Specialist: Recruited cold, based on this silly web resume. Forecast volumes and staffing requirements for an ISP client. Coordinate staffing to curve with onshore and offshore outsourced agents.

Providian Financial (Jan., 2000 – Nov., 2003)
Forecasting Analyst: Forecasted volumes and handle times for credit card provider customer service and sales call center and email departments. Used forecast and productivity information to maintain capacity plans.

Scheduling Analyst: Migrated from TCS Series 5 to IEX TotalView. Improved database skills. Daily duties includes forecasting and scheduling an e-mail queue and traditional phone queues. Acted as local Point of Contact for Scheduling Manager and for IEX technical support issues.

Stream International (Aug., 1995 – Jan., 2000)
Schedule Analyst: Used Pipkins Maxima Advantage work force management software as well as Erlang formulas to support the process of determining the need for and increasing the utilization of resources by planning, maintaining and manipulating call center volume forecasts and agent schedules. Assumed various site and business segment forecasting roles as needed.

Technical Lead and Client Liaison: Served as point of contact for Major ISP Client to our outsourced technical support call center. Made decisions and implemented policies daily affecting our entire technical support group concerning technical and support boundaries issues.

As Mentor on Duty (MOD) daily ensured staffing of ASPECT call queue, collected information on active technical and client-impact issues to disseminate this information to the group though various means, including updating the content of our Intranet site.

Coordinated and developed procedures for a special team functioning as a liaison between our Call Center and the client’s Data Center in order to track, report and resolve connectivity and e-mail issues.

Regional Office of Community Service, State of Louisiana (1994-1995)
Independent Contract Computer Consultant: Provided end user support and developed uses and training for software packages.

Louisiana Tech University, English Department (1993)
Graduate Teaching Assistant: Taught one section of Remedial English.

Louisiana Public Education

  • Earned two degrees from Louisiana Tech University: Master’s in Industrial/Organizational Psychology (May, 1995) and Baccalaureate in Technical Writing ( Nov., 1992)
  • Attempted to major in Physics at Louisiana State University – Baton Rouge
Student Activities and Organizations
  • Society for Human Resource Management: former Student Member
  • Society for Technical Communication: former Student Member
  • Data Processing Management Association : former Student Member and Louisiana Tech Student Chapter President
  • Radio Tech: former Executive Staff member and volunteer Disc-Jockey

Additional Training and Development

  • American Red Cross Standard First Aid and CPR – Adult – December 2010
  • A+ Texas Teacher’s Alternative Certification Program – January 2010 – May 2010
  • Wood Badge for the 21st Century – August 2009 (BSA Wood Badge Leadership Training Program)

Integrity and Certification


Mr. LaBruyere is a recipient of the Masonic Honesty and Integrity Key. He also maintains his membership in the Boy Scouts of America, having earned the Eagle Scout award and reached Vigil membership in the Order of the Arrow.

TEXAS SBEC GRANTS CERTIFICATION TO EDWARD P. LaBRUYERE, III
Edward P. La Bruyere, III has fulfilled requirements of state law and regulations of the State Board for Educator Certification and is hereby authorized to perform duties of Classroom Teacher, Technology Education Grades (6-12).

EDWARD P. LaBRUYERE, III PASSES HUMAN RESOURCES CERTIFICATION INSTITUTE EXAM
Dallas, Texas, 31 May 1996 — Edward P. LaBruyere recently passed the Human Resource Certification Institute’s Professional in Human Resources (PHR) exam.

Never Indicted


Once employed by the State of Louisiana but NEVER INDICTED!
Acted as Independent Contractor to the State of Louisiana. Served the Northeast Regional Office of Community Service spanning eleven parishes. Provided end user support and developed uses and training for software packages.

Fingerprinted twice as part of standard security check for Substitute Teachers in Webster and Lincoln Parishes. Taught a diverse mix of classes and students intermittently between 1990 and 1994.

Elected to the Executive Board of KLPI – Radio Tech as the Engineering Director for 1990 Winter Quarter through 1992 Spring Quarter. Participated in the planning of all station operations, oversaw maintenance and proper use of equipment and answered technical inquires from the public and the FCC. Impeached one General Manager (but I’m not sure why; he’s a decent guy) and saw one resign during a Payola Scandal.

As Token Conservative at the Louisiana Tech College Radio Station, was a voice of reason on the Executive Staff. Used authority of Engineering Director position to forbid cigarette and water-pipe smoking in the control and engineering rooms. Produced and hosted the weekly Blues Show. Wore Socks.

As a hobby, Mr. LaBruyere maintains a personal webpage titled The MultiMedia Okra.

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On the occasion one of my kids’ Godfathers finally entering fatherhood himself, the following advice for the future child was discussed:


  1. LSU is a great “Starter College.”
  2. All dirt roads lead to Louisiana Tech.
  3. Do not try to place objects on the train track while the train cars are actually passing.
  4. Look before you leap onto moving circa-1945 radar antennae 30 feet in the air above a metal ship deck. But if you don’t think you can jump back off, do not let this deter you.
  5. No matter how much you drink, you are not a “coon dawg” or a “doe in heat.”
  6. LOW CRAWL!
  7. Get off the golf machine and put the Mardi Gras panties back on the moose head.
  8. Never, ever drop your own Flaming Doctor Pepper, at least not after consuming several Flaming Doctor Peppers,
  9. If one hand is holding a shot and the other hand is on fire, FIRST put out the fire THEN do the shot.
  10. Always run faster than your friends, especially in dark alleys near the New Orleans wharf.
  11. Tequila!
  12. If you wear a welding helmet, no one can tell you have a hangover.
  13. Each night, before you go to bed, check the refrigerator for cats.
  14. That is a luggage rack, not hand-rails for car surfing.
  15. Do not derive Maxwell’s Equation while drunk. Yes, “Don’t drink and derive.”
  16. Maxwell’s Silver Hammer is not really a kiddie song.
  17. You will eventually see “Uncle Billy” naked. Don’t stare and just pretend like everything is totally normal.
  18. If you see Daddy naked, just pick up his clothes and follow him until he passes out. Hopefully you will never see “Uncle Russ” or “Uncle Ed” naked.
  19. Most social occasions do require your clothing to remain on.
  20. It is not always proper to supply your own cutlery.
  21. Payphones are not punching bags.
  22. Always discuss getting together with your friends to go skydiving, canoeing, white water rafting, paint balling, etc., but never actually meet up.
  23. The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.
  24. Entropy cancels hope.
  25. Antacids should not be eaten like candy. See a doctor.
  26. Electricity is not always your friend.
  27. It will feel better when it quits hurting.
  28. Gunpowder is not a recreational item.
  29. No matter what, do not try to catch your power tools.
  30. If you must lose a finger, lose a pinky.
  31. James’ Novocain Recipe: 1 White Russian, followed by 3 shots of 1 part Blue Curacao, 3 parts 151. Then to determine if you are bulletproof yet, slap your friend’s face while shouting “Novocain!”
  32. You are not bulletproof.
  33. To avoid choking (and parasites) pull the legs off your grasshopper before attempting to eat it.
  34. The hardened cheese on the inside of discarded pizza boxes is a good alternative source of calcium.
  35. If you have a telescope sun filter, just throw it away.
  36. Never substitute zero-delay engines with normal single-stage model rocket engines.
  37. Duck!
  38. Keep your potassium dry.
  39. “La Quinta” is not Spanish for “Next to Denny’s.”
  40. That’s not a bear; it’s just “Uncle Ed” snoring.
  41. Datsuns may be able to ride-up in a Jeep’s wake but they do not actually float.
  42. It is also not a good idea to open any doors until after the waterline is below said Datsun.
  43. Be careful, that raccoon is only stunned.
  44. A shop-vac is a perfectly reasonable tool for re-capturing escaped lab mice.
  45. You may get away with it once, but do not run the jet-boat over the tow-rope.
  46. With a clipboard and a confident attitude you can go anywhere you want.
  47. Never ask “Uncle Billy” where he got something. Plausible Deniability is important in legal matters.
  48. Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
  49. Never ask “Uncle Ed” for a security reference.
  50. Do not take first-marriage advice from your uncles or dad, unless you are actually planning on just having a “starter marriage.”
  51. When you date/marry someone who is crazy, slutty, stupid, insanely jealous, etc. (and trust us, you will), make sure you introduce her to all your dad’s friends so we can remind you of her at every chance (preferable in front of your current crazy, slutty… girlfriend/fiancé/wife).
  52. We are not the salt of the earth; we are the salt in the wound.
  53. At each wedding acquire liberal libations and make sure you offer some to the priest before the ceremony.
  54. At each wedding if you require a “special usher” to stop or control specific unruly family members, make sure to provide the usher with current photos of said family members.
  55. It’s not a Louisiana wedding until the Best Man needs a tetanus-shot.
  56. It is also the Best Man’s prerogative to “lose the ring.”
  57. There was no fire.
  58. Klaatu barada nikto
  59. NOVACAIN!!!
  60. If you see a deer on the road, aim for the head. It will do less damage to your truck and bruise less of the meat.
  61. If you take the pelt from a raccoon, leave the feet on so that your customers won’t think you are trying to sell them dog meat.
  62. Consuming a bottle of Jager’ makes some people too paranoid to play Trivial Pursuit.
  63. Where more than two of the LSU friends are gathered together, there should be projectiles. (More than two OR Billy plus one)
  64. Relationships, especially those that could lead to paternity, should not be based solely on over consumption of alcohol.
  65. If you ask a bum in a New Orleans gutter if it is “safe” and he mumbles “you white…No,” then you should not stick around. (at this point, you should also reference #10)

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Call me Frodo (8/31/2002).

You have cut off the tip of your finger. This is the first line of the blue ER discharge instructions titled “Finger Amputation.” At first I was surprised at how easy it is to cut off a finger and keep going. Of course, if you have to cut off a finger, it’s best to cut off a pinky. Since my right pinky is now about an inch shorter, I’m still trying to figure out what to do with the return key. But all things considered, I thought I was doing fairly well. Didn’t feel anything until about 20 minutes after I cut it off. And even then it was about an hour and a half before the pain was unbearable. I don’t think it’s the level of pain that gets you but the fact that it is constant. Not even throbbing, just a constant solid level tone of dull pain, like a emergency broadcast system test signal turned into re-bar and jammed into your finger tip. The ER people told me this was because the bone was exposed.

Labor Day Weekend, 2002 – Saturday, August 31st at about 4:30 PM, I sliced the end of my right pinky finger off while putting a groove down a piece of wood that will hopefully wind up in a display case for model trains. The project is on hold. I was putting a groove down a piece of wood when, in my mind, several things happened at once. The clamps came off the wood. The tool bucked up off the wood. I kinda caught the blade contraption with my right hand. And I thought, “I didn’t just cut my finger, did I?” I have no idea what caused what.

Since the tool I was using was designed to make a 1.4 inch of wood disappear, I lost that much bone and flesh when it went through my finger. So even though I made it to the hospital with the tip, there was a piece of the jigsaw puzzle missing.

bandaged pinkie

This is how I came home from the hospital.

GOD BLESSES YOU BIG IN VERY SUBTLE WAYS.

When I cut my finger off, I had a choice of hospitals. My first inclination was to go to the only one that accepts my PacifiCare HMO insurance. Presbyterian is probably 20 minutes away. Once in the car sense prevailed and I directed Michelle towards one of the Garland hospitals. Once on Walnut, I had a very strong feeling that we should go the Baylor Medial Center of Garland, and not just because it was a half-mile closer. Turns out the Dr. Bruce Byrne, hand surgeon was on call. This a specialty that is not normally found in the ER. We were still there for just over 5 hours. But Dr. Byrne was able to give us our options and eventually perform a procedure right there in the ER. I didn’t have to be sent to surgery, which probably would have meant a huge out-of-pocket expense or a delay while I was transferred to a hospital that accepted my insurance. God was with me. I went to the ER. They fixed me up and by about 10:30 PM I was taking my first Hydrocodone. Good stuff. At one point during the rest of the three-day weekend, I was playing Battleship with Paul. I couldn’t get the pegs into the little holes and I had a tendency to dose off between moves. Battleship moves don’t really take that long. I stopped taking the pills as I went to bed Monday night, got up Tuesday morning and went to work. I believe I even got there 30 minutes early. But I wound up leaving about an hour and a half early because a day of typing and mouse-work just didn’t suite me well. Now it’s nearly the end of the week and I’m beginning to think the reason craving nice big warm meals is the finger. I feel a little ‘off’ but not sick. The finger is still swollen to a sausage shape, but it doesn’t throb constantly. So overall, I’m good.

It’s not pretty though. I had a few good days, but eventually, I felt an unbearable itching and sharp pulling pains around the stitches. These are the stitches that Patrick took to calling my “Spider-Skin.”

Stiches on pinkie

If you look closely, you can almost see the shallow scar from where the blade almost continued through my next finger.

Stiches on pinkie close-up

Two weeks later the stitches came out and the new finger tip became less sensitive. I still have a paper-like covering over the tip. And I have to wear a compress bandage most of the time to help with the swelling. When will the swelling end?

Healed pinkie

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A collection of my favorite “You might be a Cajun” and “You might be from New Orleans” ‘isms, as well as tips on how someone used to New Orleans can annoy the citizens of Dallas:

  • Laugh at them when they complain about the humidity
  • Slow down at yellow traffic lights
  • Actually stop at red ones (of course the corollary dictates that you must punch it as soon as the light turns green, without waiting for the customary three cars to run the red light)
  • Complain that the pecan pralines are too chewy
  • Insist that there is no such thing as a “pee-can pray-lean” only “peh cahn prah-leans”
  • Stop at the corner 7-11 (or Smoothie-King or bar even) and ask for a Daiquiri.
  • Expect to be able to find liquor after nine on a ‘school night.’ ##Also expect there to be a drive-though window…
  • Judge po-boys by the number of napkins used.
  • Used the word “dressed” to describe sandwiches
  • Steer all conversations to discussions of restaurant meals that you have had in the past and restaurant meals that you plan to have in the future.
  • Maintain your belief that purple, green and gold look good together — even eat things these colors.
  • When trying on winter coats, throw your arms up in the air to make sure it allows enough room to catch Mardi Gras beads.
  • Keep a parade ladder in your shed.
  • The next time some major Dallas sports franchise win the championship (and arguably, one of them will) shout “ Throw me sum-thin’ mistah” throughout the entire parade.
  • Describe ‘that’ color as “K&B Purple”.
  • Call their “water bugs” what they are: “Tree Roaches”
  • You’re probably from Louisiana if… (some are “Cajun-centric,” others are “New Orleans-centric.”
  • You didn’t learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
  • You greet people with “Howzhyamomma’an’em?” and expect to hear back “Dey fine, darlin!”.
  • You wrench your hands in the zinc with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off.
  • You’re not afraid when someone wants to ax you something.
  • You go by ya mom-en-ems on Good Friday for family supper.
  • You refer to that special set of grungy, well-broken-in-shoes as your “French Quarter Shoes.”
  • You have an “envie” for something instead of a craving.
  • You receive a dissapointing look from your wife and describe it as “She passed me a pair of eyes.”
  • You consider a Bloody Mary a light breakfast.
  • You think of gravy as a beverage
  • If your black coffee cools, it jellies.
  • The smell of a crawfish boil turns you on more than Chanel #5.
  • You don’t think it’s odd when little old ladies push you out of the way to catch Mardi Gras throws.
  • You leave a parade with footprints on your hands.
  • Your first sentence was “Throw me something mistah” and your first drink was from a go-cup.
  • Your last name isn’t pronounced the way it’s spelled.
  • You like your rice and politics dirty.
  • You know what a “dead” boiled crawfish is
  • A friend gets in trouble for roaches in his car and you wonder if it was palmettos or those little ones that go after the French Fries that fell under the seat.
  • Fred’s Lounge in Mamou means more to you than the Grand Ole Opry.
  • You think the former head of the United Nations is Boudreaux-Boudreaux Guillory (and you think you might have seen him interviewed by Okra Winfrey).
  • You think a lobster is a crawfish on steroids.
  • You use a gill net to play tennis, badminton, or volleyball.
  • Your children’s favorite bedtime story begins “First you make a roux…”
  • You refer to winter as “Gumbo Weather.”
  • You move – and you feel like you are from OZ and you moved to Kansas.

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