Open letter to my childen on divorce:

There are some things I want to tell you, some things I hope you understand.

I did not want this divorce. I hope you are old enough to to know and realize that of course I don't approve of many things your mom has done. Still, unless there is ever somthing I think will affect you kids, those things don't really matter any more. Maybe one day when you are older, if you ask I will tell you how this has all affected my own behavior. (Mostly I feel like it's pushed me closer to The Church. So there are some good things that will come out of it all.)

But I cannot answer questions about your mom. Even if I wanted to, I have only seen the outside of it all. Maybe that's why we are getting divorced, I have only ever seen the outside -the show- and nothing deeper.

I am sorry for any of the time you saw me angry or so sad I could not move. It hurt me the day we told you that, 'no, we were not going be able to work anything out and that we were going to split up.' It hurt me so much that I fell to the ground in pain. Yes I know emotions can hurt physically.

I think the words I used that day were "We love each other but Mommy doesn't love Daddy like a daddy." And then I was angry. I was angry that I wasn't allowed to love Mommy like a wife anymore. I was angry that she was breaking the promises we made to each other when we were married.

I am still worried that you will someday follow that example that when keeping your vows and oaths taken before God get too hard, you should just bail on your commitments. Remember I did not want the marriage to end. I wanted to keep our promises forever. Things were not perfect. I will not lie to you. But we have promised to have and to hold for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health… until death do us part.

So I want you to learn some lessons from our grown-up mistakes. First, never make a promise lightly. When you give your word, make sure you are comitting to something you can actually do. Second, no matter how grown up you think you are, never rush in to anything too deep. Yes, you will like and fall in love with people. But in addition to following your heart and your desires, make sure you also pay attention to your principles and your spirit. Finally, don't hold your emotions in. Yes, control them. Act appropriatly, especially in public. But also talk about things that bother you. Tell the truth even if you think it might make someone angry.

Love, Dad
12 Feb 2006